The way our cheeks blush the moment our crush steps into a room. The way our fingers fidget when we’re nervous. The way we pop out of our tree stands when we want to shoot an animal.  There are thousands of emotions our body can express that words and language just can’t describe. The way your girlfriend looks at you when you get home late, and didn’t call her. You know by her protruding eyeballs and pointy, V-shaped eyebrows- you’re in trouble.

This is the type of body language I will address in this post. Aggressive body language. Getting angry is a normal human reaction when we feel like we’ve been treated unfairly, when someone hurts us. Someone might be angry with us, then we get angry at ourselves, then project our guilt and get mad at them back. (Did that only make sense to me?)

You also have to consider that just because someone is giving off aggressive body language doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily angry with you. They may have other things on their mind, they may have just come out of a perturbing situation which made them feel frustrated and out of control.
As someone who rarely gets into fights with people, I think knowing how to read someone’s aggressive body language, may be the key to diffusing a fight before it escalates out of proportion.

Aggressive Signals

Here are some signs of aggressive body language to look out for so you can take control of a heated situation before it gets out of hand.

Squinting/Twitching Eyes

If you want to read someone, 9/10 times the eyes say it all. If the person’s eyes are getting red, teary, squinty, and twitchy, they are pent up and about to blow.

Redness of the Face

A plum red face also means you have a time bomb just waiting to detonate.

Waving Hands & Pointing

Exaggerated gestures including shaking, waving hands, pointing fingers, pounding fists are more obvious exclamations of aggressive body language.

Spreading the Body

Big movements where the person is spreading their arms, flailing around the place and trying to make themselves look bigger is like an animal defense tactic. Fear not, remain calm.

Forward Head Butts

You will see this kind of aggression taking place just before a brawl is about to break out.

What to do:

Look them in the eye. With gentle eyes. Eyebrows relaxed. Eyeballs looking into theirs. Not making any eye contact will put a barrier between the two of you. It is likely to make them angrier and definitely gives them more opportunity to fire up. When you look someone in the eye, it communicates honesty and genuine concern. People are more willing to negotiate when you are trying to level with them eyeball to eyeball.

Before the person loses it and begins throwing furniture at you, take a few steps back. They have entered phase 2 of aggression and things could go several ways. If you can get them to calm down without actually saying things like “Relax” or “Clam Down” (which unfortunately tend to have the complete opposite effect), it’s best to let them blow off a bit of steam for a bit. Just hear them out, without interrupting. Your remaining clam is usually enough to calm the situation.

Post from: ill Communicating

Aggressive Body Language

“Is this douche bag hitting on you honey?” is what he would have said if he was sober.  But judging by the beer stains on his pants and the hiccups in his throat, he is most certainly not.

“Whhhhud the ffffack do yeh thhhink yer *HICCUP* doooin?”

Not a relevant photo, but a hilarious one nonetheless

You’ve already said you’re sorry, you’ve tried to walk away, his girlfriend is tugging on his arm and pleading with him to forget it, but the dude is clearly not letting this one go.  You now have some choices to make.  You can start screaming for help like a little sissy-poo; you can knee him in the coin purse, uppercut his drunk face, grab him by the back of his shirt and his pants, lift him onto the bar, and smash his head through everyone’s drinks like in the movies, take his girlfriend home and show her who the real man in;   but the best thing to do is to talk to him. Keep asking him questions, by forcing him think, you’re stopping his brain from sliding into the reptilian zone which is where beer bottles become weapons and people get stabbed.  Assault is a criminal offense, and a criminal record will make it difficult to cross the border without a Canada pardon.

If he stills persists, try your best to get a bouncer or a staff member’s attention.  Trust me, the last thing you want is to fight this knucklehead inside a crowded bar.  Aside from the possibilities of hurting the people around you, the bouncers don’t usually care who started things and you could get roughed up pretty bad and banned from the establishment forever.

But if you can’t get the guy to go outside, or you did manage to get him outside, and he still wants to fight, you’ll need to decide whether to let him throw the first punch (your best option) or to make a pre-emptive strike.  If you know you’re going  to let him throw the first punch, there are several things you can do to avoid getting clocked.

-Keep your hands up:  not in a fighting stance, but in a submissive, palms facing outwards, please don’t shoot type of stance.  This will bring your weapons to chest level, making your reactions faster while masking the fact that you’re ready to fight.

-Constantly circle the guy. Don’t make it too obvious, but by forcing a drunk to turn in circles is a great way of making him dizzy and off balance.  Don’t walk backwards, this is how you could trip and fall.

-Keep talking!  This is still your best chance to keep him from throwing that punch.  How to handle that punch is beyond the scope of this article, right now we’re just looking at sings that someone will or won’t punch you.

The Pre-Emptive Strike

A person communicates several things right before they throw a punch, so if you want to strike first, it’s important to recognize the signs.

-The classic rolling up the sleeves is an obvious giveaway that a punch is coming your way.

- The fact that his fists are up is a good indicator.

- Shoulders raised to lower the head and protect the neck are primal indicators that he’s ready to do battle.

-Clenched teeth, furrowing brow.

-Narrowing the eyes for more focused vision.  Staring at targets like your jaw or your stomach as opposed to your eyes is a huge sign that he’s just about to launch.

-If you’ve asked him something and he doesn’t respond at all means he’s flicked his switch to primal brain and he could attack at any second.

These are all god signs that a fist will be making its way to your face very shortly.  By recognizing this you can catch him completely off guard and pop him before he even gets a chance to wind up.  The only problem with this is that now he can press charges against you, and you’ll have the difficult task of proving that you knew your body was about to get pummeled.  But by knowing these signs, remaining calm through breathing and talking, and by keeping your hands up at the ready, you are very prepared to deal with whatever this drunken baboon throws your way.  And next time do your research before hitting on some dude’s girlfriend.

Post from: ill Communicating

Physical Signs You’re About to Get Punched in the Face

“I’m the anti-Christ.  You get me in a vendetta kind of mood, and you tell the angels in heaven you never seen evil so singularly personified, as you did in the face of the man who killed you.”  Gives me goosebumps!

Aside from the brilliant writing and acting, what makes this scene so great is when Worley tries to lie his way out, Coccotti immediately picks out the fiband clocks him in the face.  The second time he lies, he gets his hand sliced open and doused with alcohol.  Coccotti decides to sit down and explain a few things to Worley:

“Sicilians are great liars, best in the world. I’m Sicilian. My father was the heavyweight champion on Sicilian liars, and from growing up with him I learned the pantomime. There are 17 things a guy can do when he lies to give himself away…. If you know them like you know your own face, you can beat lie detectors all to hell.  Now what we’ve got here is a little game of show and tell.  You don’t wanna show me nothing but you tell me everything.”

A pantomime in this instance means the conveyance of a story with facial expressions.  As is the case in the scene, your words may be saying one thing but your face is saying something completely different.  When a boy slips on a promise ring on her finger, his actions might be genuine, but is his face telling the truth?  This is why Coccotti puts a bullet in Worley’s brain after hearing the story about Africans invading Sicily, having sex with their women and changing the Sicilian bloodline forever.  He read Worley’s pantomimes, and knew the story had to be true.

A person’s face actually does many more than 17 things to give away that he or she is lying.  Unless they’re psychotic, a liar will be under stress and their faces will act accordingly.  Here are some things to look for in someone’s face when trying to separate the lies from the truth:

1.  Licking of the lips.
2.  Biting of the lips (Former President Bill Clinton did this when he told the American public that he did not have sexual relations with Monica Lewinski)
3.  Scratching of the face, nose
4.  Looking away, to the side or downward, looking for the next lie to say
5.  Increased swallowing
6.  Sighs and deep breaths
7.  Touching your nose
8.  Irregular pauses in speech patterns
9.  Fidgeting with hair, beards or mustache
10.  Excessive blinking
11.  Use of phrases like “I swear to god” “To be completely honest” and “honestly”
12.  Stuttering
13.  Filling silences with “um” “er” “ah” “uh”
14.  Tightening or puckering of lips.
15.  Eye squinting, or closing
16.  Face becomes slightly paler as blood is withheld from extremities
17.  Brief displays of emotion, “cracking” through the otherwise straight face.

The last item on the list comes from new research conducted at Stephen Porter’s Forensic Psychology Lab at Dalhousie University.  According to a grad student from the school “There are some muscles in the face you can’t control … and those muscles won’t be activated in the absence of genuine emotion—you just can’t do it.”  It was these facial muscles that gave away murderer Michael White for killing his pregnant wife, despite his tear-filled public plea.  When his plea was examined frame by frame, these uncontrollable facial muscles revealed moments of anger and disgust.  Michael White is clearly not Sicilian. He didn’t wanna show the authorities nothing, but his face told them everything.

Post from: ill Communicating

How to Tell Someone is Lying

Bull Horns

These are used a lot at concert, requesting the band to keep “rocking on.”  If there’s an Italian in the audience, he or she is probably wondering why the whole crowd is calling the band a “motherf***er”.

Peace

The peace symbol is fairly recognized around the world.  However, giving someone in Australia the peace symbol with the back of your hand facing outward, like the way George W. Bush Jr.  did, you’re basically telling them “Up yours mate!” or Go f*** yourself!”

The Summoning Finger

The get over here curled finger might encourage a human being to come towards you, but the same gesture signifies “death” in Singapore. In the Philippines it’s how you would call a dog over. You could get arrested, and they will break your finger to make sure you never do it again.

Thumbs Up

A “thumbs up” in Latin America, West Africa, Greece, Russia, Sardinia and the south of Italy means basically the same thing as the middle finger.  In the Middle East the thumbs up is the biggest insult around, and a double thumbs up can get you killed.

The Hand Shovel

In Greece if you turn your open palm upwards and thrust it into someone’s face and say “na!” you’re basically telling someone to eat the imaginary feces from your hand.

The “A-OK” is not Okay

This gesture in used in scuba diving to signify that everything is okay, not to be confused with thumbs up which would mean to start ascending.  However, this same gesture signifies “anus” in Brazil and Germany, and would be used to tell someone “you’re an ***hole”.

Post from: ill Communicating

Hand Gestures That Could Get You Slapped in Other Countries

According to Jonathan Coopersmith, “Pornography has historically been closely connected with the rise of communication technologies…In recent decades, the digitalization of data, the Internet, and the World Wide Web have accelerated this trend. …As well as providing revenues, cybersex has also trailblazed new business and operational practices that later diffuse to other markets.”

Online Payment Systems

Whenever you make an online purchase, whether it’s shoes, clothes or even surprise tickets for one of those last minute vacations, you have porn to thank for the ease in doing so. In the mid 1990s, Richard Gordon founded Electronic Card Systems, an online credit card system which made money in exchange for sex videos an efficient transaction. Less than 10 years later, internet porn sites were generating close to $3 billion in sales. Thanks to porn leading the way, online purchasing represents a $150 to $200 billion industry.

Streaming

Before YouTube there was porn. According to nude model and former stripper Danni Ashe, an extremely successful porn-site entrepreneur and CEO of Danni’s Hard Drive, “the adult entertainment industry was the first to use streaming JPEG push video, which was video that worked…in the browser and didn’t require a plug-in. I think as an industry we tend to jump in a little bit faster and tweak the technology and try to get it to work faster.”

Without programmers working their butts off trying to perfect the perfect system for delivering online sex videos to users with dial up modems, reputable news sites might never have been able to deliver up to date news clips of worldwide events.

Online Chat

In 2000 the president of the largest American producer of porn films Vivid Entertainment, Bill Asher described live one-on-one teleconferencing as the “holy grail of online porn.” Men could watch live sex shows from their computer, and via instant messagin they could ask the women to do whatever their horny little hearts desired. Meanwhile women using digital video cameras or webcams could broadcast their stuff online, charging whatever fees they wanted. This not only cut out pimping middle men for the ladies, but paved the way for web-based video conferencing.

Search Engine Optimization

Long before marketing companies started using sites like Digg or Reddit to generate website traffic and acquire those Google-friendly backlinks, online porn sites were already creating a huge community amongst themselves by sharing links, clients, as well as revenue. They all linked to each other which placed them at the top of the search engines for targeted keywords. The porn industry was at the forefront of generating profit from traffic, and were among the first to create a model for affiliate revenue-sharing.

Connection Speed

With millions upon millions of hungry users demanding the high quality sexual images and videos, broadband connections spread across the globe like wildfire, leaving slower modems and dial-up connections in the proverbial dust.

Post from: ill Communicating

How Porn Has Changed the Internet

And this is just one piece of technology.  Just wait until we have the conversation about how there never used to be YouTube, Google, Facebook, or Twitter.  These teens will look at me like ancient humans would look at those who managed to survive without fire.

Nothing has changed the face of business, marketing, or even communicating like social media.  There are those who argue that social media and networking sites are in fact devolving us as a species.  In fact a renown neuroscientist claims that “social network sites risk infantilising the mid-21st century mind, leaving it characterised by short attention spans, sensationalism, inability to empathise and a shaky sense of identity.”

However, many many others have shared the opinion that:

- Never before has news and information been available at our fingertips, keeping us instantaneously informed at all times

-Never before have we been able to stay connected with such a broad spectrum of people across the globe, from all walks of life, in all professional fields, in such short a period of time.

- Never before have we been able to express ourselves through blogs and social media websites, to an otherwise non-existent audience.

- Never before have young people been involved in politics, able to get their voices heard through social networking sites, drastically altering the outcome of elections.

- Never before have companies and e-commerce sites been at the mercy of the public, with online “word of mouth” heavily influencing brand reputation.

And the list goes on and on.  For an interesting look at the statistics surrounding the “social media revolution” check out this video.

watch?v=sIFYPQjYhv8

Post from: ill Communicating

How Social Media has Changed the World

Languages that use the Latin alphabet and have similar vocabulary are a good place to start. Languages that have most in common with English include other Germanic languages such as Dutch, German and Norwegian, and Romance languages such as French, Spanish and Italian. Japanese is considered one of the hardest languages to learn. Here are some examples of some of the languages that are easier to learn if your mother tongue is English.

Frisian

I begin by mentioning Frisian because it is often regarded as the language most similar to English. Frisian is spoken in a small area of the Netherlands. However, modern English and Frisian are mostly unintelligible to each other. After at least five hundred years of being subject to the influence of Dutch, modern Frisian bears a greater similarity to Dutch than to English.

Norwegian

I fell upon an interesting website called Page F30 which provides interesting information explaining why Norwegian is the easiest language to learn as a native-English speaker. For one, Norwegian is a Germanic language, however unlike other Germanic languages, Norwegian has much easier grammar. Norwegian word order is also different than other Germanic languages, and actually much closer to English. Moreover, Scandinavian verbs have some of the easiest conjugation you can find in Europe. Past tense is generally formed by putting a -te on the end of the stem, like the -(e)d in English (walk, walked). Norwegian plurals are also easy. Add an -r to the end if it ends in a vowel, add an -er if it ends in a consonant. For example, problem becomes problemer.

Spanish

English speakers often consider Spanish to be very easy to learn, even though Spanish is not the closest relative of English. Spanish is third most spoken language in the world and considered one of the easiest to learn as there is an abundance of learning materials available and accessible to the population. Though German vocabulary may be easy to grasp, Spanish grammar is highly regular and logical and the simple, pronunciation is very similar overall, the grammar is not too difficult and there is lots of familiar vocabulary. Moreover, once you learn Spanish, picking up French or Italian is simple.

French

French is still a very popular language to learn among native English speakers. Many find it to be similar in syntax and in vocabulary. The grammar is quite complicated however. But with all the material available, like Spanish it is a very accessible language to learn.

Afrikaans

Afrikaans used to be Dutch, but changed into a language of its own after a lot of isolation and other influences. Afrikaans is a West Germanic language mainly spoken in South Africa and Namibia. There many words that are very similar to English. Often cited as the “best” of the easy to learn languages for English speakers, Afrikaans has nearly 7 million speakers living in five countries in Southern Africa.

Post from: ill Communicating

Easiest Languages To Learn If You’re English

Knowing this, if you develop a keen understanding of body language and what messages you want to send and which ones you are receiving, you can save yourself a lot of time and money on first dates.  All the witty jokes or amusing anecdotes in the world won’t make a lick of difference if you don’t pay attention to his or her facial expressions, posture, movements, even the way they breathe.  The following are some body signs that your date is either going well, or into the crapper.

The eyes

Nothing sparks the fire like establishing and maintaining eye contact.  In fact, unless your 1st date was the result of an online encounter, making eye contact is probably what got you there in the first place.  Your eyes met from across the room, and you both managed to overcome great fear by holding the gaze for just a few seconds longer.  So now you’re sitting across from each other, and the eyes are still playing a major role in your 1st date success.  You want to maintain eye contact for as long as possible.  But be careful, staring for too long will make you seem creepy, like you’re trying to cast some sort of spell on them.

A bad sign would be if your date’s eyeballs are wandering all over the place, checking out everything from the guy at table 9 to the light fixtures on the ceiling.  A wandering eye means a wandering mind, in which case they are not paying attention to you and you should wander out the door, or start telling better stories, like the time you stole your cousin’s tattoo supplies to impress a heavily-inked girl.

The mouth

This one is pretty obvious.  But if your date is smiling, it’s usually a good sign, unless of course they are imagining your William Rast Jeans on fire and it’s making them laugh.  But a warm smile during the conversation is welcoming, relaxing, and gives confidence to the receiver.  There have been studies demonstrating that head-tilting means “come closer,” but a head tilt and a smile is the ultimate device to lure someone in.

The hair

A woman playing with her hair is a great sign that she’s interested.  Hair twirling is a combination of slight nervousness and friendly flirting.  A guy twirling his hair is a good indication that he needs a haircut.

The body

First of all you want to make sure there are as few obstacle between you as possible.  This doesn’t mean you should hurl the dinner table aside, but any table candles or plants should be moved aside to facilitate eye-contact.  If you are both sitting at a bar, make sure to sit facing each other as opposed to facing the bar, or facing the crowd.  Uncross those arms, and just like your parents told you growing up, sit up straight, shoulders back.  Don’t be stiff as a board, but proper posture not only displays confidence, but it opens you body to your date.  A sloucher is someone who is closed off, uninterested, and slouching is a sign of a tense person, with tension pulling their body inwards.  True relaxation looks like a human sitting upright.  Also, leaning in demonstrates interest in you and what you’re saying.  It also helps prevent the wandering eye syndrome discussed earlier.

The hands

Aside from playing with their car keys, any type of fidgeting is a good sign.  A guy playing with his clothes, fixing his shirt, is demonstrating that he is attracted to you and wants to look good.  A girl playing with her jewelry, constantly adjusting her top, fiddling with the straw in her drink or the fork on the table, is a sign that she’s excited.

Now, the ultimate body language manoever that will either make or break your first date, is physical contact.  If you are sitting close to each other you will know whether or not physical contact is even welcome by the other person’s breathing.  If they are breathing heavier that usual, then you know they would love to touch or be touched by you.  If they are calm as cucumbers, they couldn’t care less, and physical contact is probably the last thing on their minds.

You also don’t want to go too far and blow the date.  It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to put her hand on a man’s knee or upper leg, and if she leaves it there, it is perfectly acceptable for the man to place his hand on hers.  A man should never start with the leg, and should try to keep his first contact from the hands up. But if both your knees are touching and she’s already broken the hand-knee barrier, you can take that chance and softly put your hand on her thigh, just above the knee.  Try it out, if she slaps you, then you’ve been reading her body language wrong all night, and better luck next time.

Post from: ill Communicating

Dating Body Language & Non Verbal Communication Skills

(image source)

Apps

With everything from a blood alcohol content calculator to a Jedi’s lightsaber, Apple blows the doors off the Android in terms of the number of applications available (over 215,000 vs 70,000, but let’s not forget the 2 year head start!).  However, they are only available through the iPhone or the iPad.  Android apps can not only be run from a wide variety of smartphones, but you will also be able to access the OS from your HDTV, your car, your desktop or office phone, your microwave oven and even your waching machine! (source)

(image source)

Keyboard

Since Google’s Android is available on several different phones, both touch screen and keypad options are available.  iPhone only offers the touch screen for typing.  This is one is pretty much a matter of preference, I enjoy the tactile response from an actual keypad and I find it very frustrating trying to text quickly with an iPhone (maybe I just have clumsy thumbs), but many of my friends enjoy the touch screen.  Still, with Android it’s nice to have the option.

Media Players

This is one department where Apple stands out.  In terms of audio the iPhone can support all the usual formats, as well as the unique formats like WAV and Audible audiobooks.  You cannot load formats like uncompressed WAV with your Android.  The iPhone is amazing at video playback, supporting formats like H.264 and MPEG-4.  You can convert many of your songs and movies by dragging them into iTunes.  Unfortunately the Android does not let you play MPEG-4s, and is not a fantastic video player.  However!  Apple simply refuses to support Flash, whereas Google has fully embraced it, giving users access to all websites, without the ERROR message from Flash sites. In terms of photos, with Apple there is a way to store document files in your iPhone “Photos” folder so you can access those pictures of you and your buddies at singles resorts and remember the good times.

(image source)

Network

AT&T’s lousy service has been a major cause for people to switch over from the iPhone to Google’s Android-powered phones on the Verizon network.  And while Verizon network may not be as fast as AT&T, their reliability is making them a popular favourite.

If you want a more technical breakdown of the differences between Apple’s iPhone and Google’s Android, you should check out the great comparison chart available at mashable.com.

Now get out there and choose wisely!

Post from: ill Communicating

Androids vs. iPhones

Most Common Mistakes:

No subject line

You’re busy, the person you are emailing is busy. The subject line is important as it gives a quick overview as to what you will be addressing in your email. If you omit a subject line, chances are much higher that people will skip over your email as there is nothing indicating that you have anything crucial to say.

Non-descript subject line

Though some people may include a subject line, it may be irrelevant to the content of the email. Avoid writing things like “Hello :)” and be as clear and concise as possible as to the reason for your email.

Spelling and grammar mistakes

No matter how short or how long your email is, proof-read before sending anything off. Improper spelling, grammar and punctuation can be confusing and are sure to leave a bad impression.

Sending e-mail to the wrong person

Always double-check the recipient that you are sending the message to is the intended one. Today’s email programs make sending emails very easy. So easy in fact that that when you start typing the address of your intended recipient, the field will fill out the name for you, but it could be the wrong Tom or Jane so be careful.

Forwarding a message without permission

Whether it’s laziness or just plain carelessness, forwarding a message without the original sender’s consent could be infringing copyright laws. Make sure to ask the person’s permission to forward it and indicate who you will be forwarding to.

Tips For Proper Business E-Mail Etiquette:

Personalize your message to the recipient

Begin your email with a proper greeting (i.e. “Dear” , “Hello”, “Hi” Mr, Mrs. so-and-so). It is polite and helps personalize the email so that the recipient feels you are writing to them directly and not just sending off some generic message.

Reply to your emails

Grant people the same courtesy you expect when you send off an email by replying. There is nothing more annoying than having to wait around for someone to get back to you so the more prompt you are in your response the more prompt others will be to respond to you.

Make sure to address all questions

When you receive an email, make sure you read it carefully and address all the questions the sender has asked you. You can address each issue in point form to make it easy and clear to read.

Have a signature

In order to facilitate people’s ability to easily contact you, have a signature that includes your full name, your position, the company you work for, as well as phone numbers and email addresses where you can be reached. You can set your signature to appear automatically by using Microsoft Outlook. Open Outlook and go into Tools, then Options. Next go into Mail Format and then Signatures. From there just fill in the information and you have yourself a signature.

Have an e-mail confidentiality footer

Because e-mails act as a form of company records, it is important to make them official and protect yourself as well as the company if any legal matters are ever to come up. You can use this link in order to choose the confidentiality footer that best suits your needs.

Post from: ill Communicating

Common E-Mail Mistakes And How To Avoid Them In A Business Setting