The expression goes, “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” And while this is very true, an even truer statement would be “It’s not what you say or how you say it, but what your body is doing.” The words we speak convey only 7% of our intended message. How we say those words using tone, volume and inflection make up 38%, leaving the remaining 55% for the non-verbal communication known as body language.
Knowing this, if you develop a keen understanding of body language and what messages you want to send and which ones you are receiving, you can save yourself a lot of time and money on first dates. All the witty jokes or amusing anecdotes in the world won’t make a lick of difference if you don’t pay attention to his or her facial expressions, posture, movements, even the way they breathe. The following are some body signs that your date is either going well, or into the crapper.
The eyes
Nothing sparks the fire like establishing and maintaining eye contact. In fact, unless your 1st date was the result of an online encounter, making eye contact is probably what got you there in the first place. Your eyes met from across the room, and you both managed to overcome great fear by holding the gaze for just a few seconds longer. So now you’re sitting across from each other, and the eyes are still playing a major role in your 1st date success. You want to maintain eye contact for as long as possible. But be careful, staring for too long will make you seem creepy, like you’re trying to cast some sort of spell on them.
A bad sign would be if your date’s eyeballs are wandering all over the place, checking out everything from the guy at table 9 to the light fixtures on the ceiling. A wandering eye means a wandering mind, in which case they are not paying attention to you and you should wander out the door, or start telling better stories, like the time you stole your cousin’s tattoo supplies to impress a heavily-inked girl.
The mouth
This one is pretty obvious. But if your date is smiling, it’s usually a good sign, unless of course they are imagining your William Rast Jeans on fire and it’s making them laugh. But a warm smile during the conversation is welcoming, relaxing, and gives confidence to the receiver. There have been studies demonstrating that head-tilting means “come closer,” but a head tilt and a smile is the ultimate device to lure someone in.
The hair
A woman playing with her hair is a great sign that she’s interested. Hair twirling is a combination of slight nervousness and friendly flirting. A guy twirling his hair is a good indication that he needs a haircut.
The body
First of all you want to make sure there are as few obstacle between you as possible. This doesn’t mean you should hurl the dinner table aside, but any table candles or plants should be moved aside to facilitate eye-contact. If you are both sitting at a bar, make sure to sit facing each other as opposed to facing the bar, or facing the crowd. Uncross those arms, and just like your parents told you growing up, sit up straight, shoulders back. Don’t be stiff as a board, but proper posture not only displays confidence, but it opens you body to your date. A sloucher is someone who is closed off, uninterested, and slouching is a sign of a tense person, with tension pulling their body inwards. True relaxation looks like a human sitting upright. Also, leaning in demonstrates interest in you and what you’re saying. It also helps prevent the wandering eye syndrome discussed earlier.
The hands
Aside from playing with their car keys, any type of fidgeting is a good sign. A guy playing with his clothes, fixing his shirt, is demonstrating that he is attracted to you and wants to look good. A girl playing with her jewelry, constantly adjusting her top, fiddling with the straw in her drink or the fork on the table, is a sign that she’s excited.
Now, the ultimate body language manoever that will either make or break your first date, is physical contact. If you are sitting close to each other you will know whether or not physical contact is even welcome by the other person’s breathing. If they are breathing heavier that usual, then you know they would love to touch or be touched by you. If they are calm as cucumbers, they couldn’t care less, and physical contact is probably the last thing on their minds.
You also don’t want to go too far and blow the date. It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to put her hand on a man’s knee or upper leg, and if she leaves it there, it is perfectly acceptable for the man to place his hand on hers. A man should never start with the leg, and should try to keep his first contact from the hands up. But if both your knees are touching and she’s already broken the hand-knee barrier, you can take that chance and softly put your hand on her thigh, just above the knee. Try it out, if she slaps you, then you’ve been reading her body language wrong all night, and better luck next time.
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